Why Marry? Jokes

Why MARRY?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
__________ 
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
”Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
”Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
__________ 
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
”Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
”You can have mine.”
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________ 
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
__________
A little boy asked his father,
”Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don't know son, I'm still paying.”
__________
A young son asked,
”Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”
__________ 
Then there was a woman who said,
”I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.”
__________ 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say – talk in your sleep. 
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, “My wife's an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You're lucky, mine's still alive.”
__________ 
A Woman's Prayer

“Dear Lord,I pray for wisdom to understand a man;

to love and to forgive him; and for patience, for his moods.

Because Lord,if I pray for strength I'll just beat him to death!!”
__________ 

 Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. 
Female...... Any part under a car's hood. 
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. 
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. 
Male..... Playing football without a cup. 
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. 
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. 
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. 
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. 
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. 
Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. 
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. 
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. 
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. 
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. 

AND; 
He said.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. 
She said.... You wear pants don't you? 

He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? 
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! 

He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? 
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! 

He said..... Why are married women heavier than singlewomen? 
She said..... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.