The Female Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

SAFETY

You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Classic 1974 Movie - Flesh Gordon - Check Out the FX

From:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FilYgi_LZ_c

I remember what a hilarious parody this was in 1974.

Directors Howard Ziehm and Michael Benveniste draw from the same cliffhanging Flash Gordon serials of the 1930s as the glitzy 1980 tongue-in-cheek space opera for their soft-core spoof. Hockey hero Flesh Gordon and often-naked love interest Dale Ardor join Dr. Jerkoff in his battle against the mad Emperor Wang from the planet Porno, who has unleashed his diabolical sex ray on the Earth. Full of toilet humor, juvenile sexual innuendo, and unending naked romps and orgies, it's hardly in the same company as the Mel Brooks genre goofs Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein. But amidst the slack direction, flat performances, and grungy photography are some lovingly crafted low-tech effects, including marvelous stop-motion creatures from Jim Danforth and spaceships courtesy of future Oscar winners Greg Jein and Dennis Muren. The film's best sequence is a King Kong tribute with a giant rampaging satyr (voiced by an uncredited Craig T. Nelson, who ad-libs quips in a cultured but expletive-filled whine) kidnapping Dale as Flesh buzzes him his phallic space ship. All the restoration in the world won't make this dark, grainy, bargain-basement parody look any better, but the retro effects, inspired score, and playful attitude make this silly sex romp a kitschy cult item from the randy 1970s.

Top 100 - Best Places To Live in N.J.

Chatham Township finishes first among the state's 566 municipalities. Where does your town rank?

http://njmonthly.com/articles/best-of-Jersey/best-places-to-live---the-complete-top-towns-list-.html