Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly....they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook in my house, we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

MY FAVORITE:

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

More classic comedy here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FPv2toi5og

Thanks to Babs for this !

Beautiful Women VIdeo

You'll enjoy this video retrospective of Beautiful Women

http://www.greatdanepro.com/Beautiful%20Women/index.htm

Thanks Babs !

Florida Leads the Nation in Non-Current Loans

10 states with the highest share of non-current loans:

1. Florida (23.4 percent)
2. Nevada (21.0 percent)
3. Mississippi (19.1 percent)
4. Georgia (15.8 percent)
5. Louisiana (14.7 percent)
6. New Jersey (14.7 percent)
7. Illinois (14.6 percent)
8. Ohio (14.6 percent)
9. Indiana (14.6 percent)
10. Arizona (14.3 percent)

Source: LPS

http://www.condovultures.com/component/content/article/40-south-florida-market-news/2190-fdic-report-non-current-loans-spike-in-florida-nation.html

http://www.condovultures.com/south-florida.html

Here's Saluting the TSA

Some signs we're seeing at the TSA security checkpoint!

Thanks to Doreen for this one, so true!

Thank You For Your E-Mails, Not !!!

As we approach year end, I want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I cannot use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed…hmmmm

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up a Pennie dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.


If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Carolynn, thanks for this gem !!

Colonoscopy Jokes

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

• "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
• "Take it easy doc, you're going where no man has ever done before."
• "Can you hear me NOW?"
• "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
• "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
• "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
• "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
• "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey ..."
• "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
• "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
• "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
• "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
• "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Black Friday 2010 - Top 20 Deals

Here are Black Friday 2010 - Top 20 Deals

♦ Deal #1: Dual-Core HP Slimline Desktop for $299 @ Staples

♦ Deal #2: HP Performance PC Bundle for $599 @ Staples

♦ Deal #3: Quad-Core HP PC Bundle With LCD & Printer for $529 @ Office Depot

♦ Deal #4: Blu-ray HP Desktop Tower with 20-Inch LCD for $499 @ Sam's Club

♦ Deal #5: HP Photosmart Premium Printer for $69.99 @ OfficeMax

♦ Deal #6: Kodak ESP 7250 Printer for $99.98 @ Staples

♦ Deal #7: Epson WorkForce 610 Printer for $59.98 @ Staples

♦ Deal #8: Free Canon Selphy Printer With Camera Purchase @ Staples

♦ Deal #9: Kodak EasyShare Z950 Digital Camera for $129.99 @ OfficeMax

♦ Deal #10: Canon PowerShot SX120 Digital Camera for $129 @ Target

♦ Deal #11: HP 8GB USB Flash Drive for $11 @ Staples

♦ Deal #12: 2TB External WD Hard Drive for $69 @ Target

♦ Deal #13: 2TB USB 3.0 External Seagate Hard Drive for $89 @ Best Buy

♦ Deal #14: Barnes & Noble Nook E-Reader for $99 @ Best Buy

♦ Deal #15: Microsoft Wireless Mobile Mouse for $15 @ OfficeMax

♦ Deal #16: Microsoft HD Webcam for $19.99 @ Staples

♦ Deal #17: 8GB Apple iPod Touch for Under $200 @ Wal-Mart

♦ Deal #18: SanDisk 4GB Music Player for $29.99 @ Best Buy

♦ Deal #19: NaturallySpeaking 11 Voice-Rec Software for $39.99 @ OfficeMax

♦ Deal #20: Adobe Photoshop or Premiere Elements for $49.99 Each @ Staples

The best Black Friday deals of 2010:

1. Chefmate Appliances for $3 at Target. Originally $20 (approx.).

2. Emerson 32” LCD HDTV $198 at Walmart. Originally $328.

3. Westinghouse 40” LCD TV $298 at Target. Originally $549.99

4. Nook Wifi eReader for $99.99 at Best Buy. Originally $149.99.

5. Philips Portable DVD player $49 at Walmart. Originally $69.99.

6. 2 GE cameras for $149.99 at Kmart. Originally $219.98 for 1) GE x5 power Pro Series Digital Camera $149.99 2) GE C1033 10mp Digital Camera $69.99.

7. 8GB iPod touch with $50 gift card $225 at Walmart. Originally $229 without gift card.

8. 5-piece luggage set $49.99 at Macy’s. Originally $200.

9. eMachines 15.6” laptop $198 at Walmart. Originally $248.

10. Nerf Stampede for $34.99 at Kmart.

11. KitchenAid Mixer $129.99 after 10% off, $20 rebate, $30 Kohl’s Cash at Kohls. Originally $250.

12. Wii Bundle for $299 at Sam’s Club. Originally $400.

13. Dyson DC14 for $219 at Sears. Originally $439.

14. 2ct. Diamond bracelet for $99 at Kohl’s.

15. Apt. 9 Cashmere sweaters for $34.99 at Kohl’s. Originally $100.

Dear God Letters from Sally

Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sleep on Mommy and Daddy’s bed? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like musk! What's he been rolling around in?

Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God, I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the cats here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.

Dear God, The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does PetsMart sell lie detectors?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Thanks to Carolynn for this gem

What is a Hobson's Choice?

A Hobson's choice is a free choice in which only one option is offered. As a person may refuse to take that option, the choice is therefore between taking the option or not; "take it or leave it".

The phrase is said to originate from Thomas Hobson (1544–1631), a livery stable owner at Cambridge, England. To rotate the use of his horses he offered customers the choice of either taking the horse in the stall nearest the door or taking none at all.

He had an extensive stable of some 40 horses and therefore there appeared to be a wide choice when in fact there was simply the choice described above.

An ultimatum game is a form of Hobson's choice.

Hobson's choice is different from:

* a choice between or among limited options
* Blackmail and extortion: the choice between paying money (or some non-monetary good or deed) and suffering an unpleasant action
* False dilemma: only two choices are considered, when in fact there are others
* Catch-22: a logical paradox arising from a situation in which an individual needs something that can only be acquired by not being in that very situation
* Morton's fork, and a double bind: choices yield equivalent, often undesirable, results.

Phenomenal Production Values

For anyone who has been involved in TV commercial production....this is the ultimate spot.

Get a Human Being on the Phone @ USPS When You Call 1-800-ASK-USPS

Here's how to get a human being on the phone when you call 1-800-ASK-USPS (1-800-275-8777).

Here are the steps simplified.

Remember, do not speak into the phone and 0 (zero) is the only button you need to push!

1. Dial 1-800-ASK-USPS (1-800-275-8777)

2. When you hear “Main Menu”, push 0 (zero)

3. When you hear “You can say”, push 0 (zero)

4. After you hear “Would you like to hear the USPS privacy statement”, push 0 (zero)

5. Talk to a real person!

Details:

Surprisingly, it is actually quite easy to talk to a human on the phone when you call the USPS 1-800 number.

I recently shipped an item through the United States Postal Service and the package was lost. To make a long story short, I could not get a real person on the phone to help me with the situation. All I heard were repeated automated messages, which were not helpful. Then, I decided to try a few things to get a human on the phone since I had already wasted an hour using the automated system.

This is what worked:

First, dial 1-800-ASK-USPS (1-800-275-8777) during their normal business hours.

M-F 8:00am-8:30pm ET

Sat – 8:00am-6:00pm ET

Sun/Holidays – Closed

After you dial the 1-800 number, the recording will thank you and then ask if you want Spanish (para Espanol). Do not speak and do not push any buttons. It will then say “Main Menu”. At this time, push 0 (zero).

Then the recording will say, “You’ve asked for customer service”. Do not speak and do not push any buttons yet. Wait until the recording says, “You can say”. At this time, push the 0 (zero) button on your phone. Do not speak into the phone.

You will then get another message saying, “Would you like to hear the USPS privacy statement”. Push 0 (zero) again. Do not speak into the phone.

Then you will be connected to a real live person! You might get a message telling you that all of the customer service representatives are busy, but it is better to wait for a real person than to go through their automated system. Trust me!

John Lennon's Jukebox

In 1989, a Bristol music promoter purchased at auction an old Discomatic jukebox owned by John Lennon in the 1960s. Its track list, written in Lennon's own hasty handwriting, catalogued 41 remarkable discs of American soul, R&B, and rock 'n' roll -- a collection that shaped his musical education and became the musical style source from which the Beatles sound derived. Below is a complete list of all the 45s included in the jukebox.

1. "In the Midnight Hour"
   Wilson Pickett
   
   
2. "Rescue Me"
   Fontella Bass
   
   
3. "Tracks of My Tears"
   Smokey Robinson
   
   
4. "My Girl"
   Otis Redding
   
   
5. "1, 2, 3"
   Len Barry
   
   
6. "Hi Heel Sneakers"
   Tommy Tucker
   
   
7. "Walk"
   Jimmy McCracklin
   
   
8. "Gonna Send You Back to Georgia"
   Timmy Shaw
   
   
9. "First I Look at the Purse"
   The Contours
   
   
10. "New Orleans"
    Gary "U.S." Bonds
    
    
11. "Watch Your Step"
    Bobby Parker
    
    
12. "Daddy Rollin' Stone"
    Derek Martin
    
    
13. "Short Fat Fannie"
    Larry Williams
    
    
14. "Long Tall Sally"
    Little Richard
    
    
15. "Money (That's What I Want)"
    Barrett Strong
    
    
16. "Hey! Baby"
    Bruce Channel
    
    
17. "Positively 4th Street"
    Bob Dylan
    
    
18. "Daydream"
    The Lovin' Spoonful
    
    
19. "Turquoise"
    Donovan
    
    
20. "Slippin' and Slidin'"
    Buddy Holly
    
    
21. "Be-Bop-A-Lula"
    Gene Vincent
    
    
22. "No Particular Place to Go"
    Chuck Berry
    
    
23. "Steppin' Out"
    Paul Revere
    
    
24. "Do You Believe in Magic"
    The Lovin' Spoonful
    
    
25. "Some Other Guy"
    The Big Three
    
    
26. "Twist and Shout"
    The Isley Brothers
    
    
27. "She Said "Yeah""
    Larry Williams
    
    
28. "Brown Eyed Handsome Man"
    Buddy Holly
    
    
29. "Slippin' and Slidin'"
    Little Richard
    
    
30. "Quarter to Three"
    Gary "U.S." Bonds
    
    
31. "Ooh My Soul"
    Little Richard
    
    
32. "Woman Love"
    Gene Vincent
    
    
33. "Shop Around"
    The Miracles
    
    
34. "Bring It on Home to Me"
    The Animals
    
    
35. "If You Gotta Make a Fool of Somebody"
    James Ray
    
    
36. "What's So Good About Goodbye"
    The Miracles
    
    
37. "Bad Boy"
    The Miracles
    
    
38. "Agent Double O Soul"
    Edwin Starr
    
    
39. "I've Been Good to You"
    The Miracles
    
    
40. "Oh I Apologize"
    Barrett Strong
    
    
41. "Who's Lovin' You"
    The Miracles
    

Job Hunt

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, But I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that Was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... Couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't Have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

Media Habits

Here's how readership changes by device used, during the day.

Click on graphic to enlarge.








http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703326204575616310040096840.html?KEYWORDS=online+newspaper+readers#articleTabs%3Darticle

Birthday Wisdom

More birthday wisdom...

You're only as old as you remember.

But seriously, looking 50 is great, if you're 60 - Joan Rivers.

And remember, after 30 a body has a mind of its own - Bette Midler

Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty.
Joan Rivers

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
Coco Chanel

Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty.
Joan Rivers

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
Muhammad Ali

Everyone over 50 should be issued every week with a wet fish in a plastic bag by the Post Office so that, whenever you see someone young and happy, you can hit them as hard as you can across the face.
Richard Griffiths
The 61-year-old actor joins the grumpy old men's club

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.
Jean Paul Richter

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Pope John XXIII

All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
George Harrison

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
Author Unknown

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
Oprah Winfrey

Believing hear, what you deserve to hear:
Your birthday as my own to me is dear...
But yours gives most; for mine did only lend
Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend.
Martial

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Larry Lorenzoni

Every ten years a man should give himself a good kick in the pants.
Edward Steichen

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
Branch Rickey

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
Author Unknown

Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again.
Menachem Mendel Schneerson

No wise man ever wished to be younger.
Jonathan Swift

Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold, you may have escaped, not from one master but from many.
Plato

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Gandhi

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Chili Davis

Here's a birthday spanking,
Sent you on a card,
One, Two, Three,
Put them right on hard,
Four, Five, Six
One to live on, one to grow on,
One to make you fat…
Author Unknown

I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
Author Unknown

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.
Dan Bennett

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Sam Ewing

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Jennifer Yane

It takes a long time to grow young.
Pablo Picasso

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schulz

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
Frank Sinatra

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier.
Dan Bennett

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
Don Marquis

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
Billie Burke

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
Maurice Chevalier

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

One to-day is worth two to-morrows.
Benjamin Franklin

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
Doris Day

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
Pope Paul VI

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

There is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
Author Unknown

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Author Unknown

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age.
Thomas B. Aldrich

To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.
Henri Frederic Amiel

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Author Unknown

Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.
Lucy Larcom

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
Author Unknown

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
Mark Twain

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
Tom Wilson

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Charles Schulz

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Author Unknown

We are always the same age inside.
Gertrude Stein

The heyday of woman's life is the shady side of fifty.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Make hay while the sun shines.
Proverb